(En) Titlelist?

Man, I'm a punk--like, the kind Clint Eastwood blows away in all his movies.

That's pretty much what my thought was this morning during communion at Northpoint. I was taking a bit of a different course during the bread-juice holding time, trying to get inside the minds and hearts of each of the disciples there.

Peter, convinced and emboldened about the truth of Jesus' claims to be the Christ, had actually denied Jesus at the beginning of this scene, the Last Supper. Of course, the first denial wasn't like the second, the first denial comes from a heart longing to see God reign, but still needing instruction on how God meant to take his throne.

"You shall never wash my feet," Peter says. That's an imperative, kids! He's come into this supper as one convinced he's ready to die for Jesus, but again, he just doesn't understand or anticipate exactly who Jesus is and what he means to do. (Who can blame him?)

Peter, of course, is extremely sad later in the scene, when he's told that he will deny Jesus three times before sun-up. But for now, as Jesus takes the bread and presents the wine, Peter does not doubt his allegiance or willingness to suffer for his Friend.

The group has been dwindled down to 11, after Judas takes off and seals the deal to betray the Lord, and John, who'd asked descretly who the betrayer would be, didn't seem that suprised that if anyone was going to be a weasel, it was going to be Judas, who "used to help himself to what was put into [the moneybags]." (Jn. 12:6)

I was thinking about Thomas, the great apologist of the group. He seemed to be a very details-facts oriented guy, and so I picture him scrutinizing every word and motion of his Master throughout the address.

Putting myself as a fly on the wall at this scene helped me to realize two things:

First: When Jesus presents the wine, he actually symbolizing the cutting of a new covenant! Not a new one like it'd just been planned, but that it was now being carried out, inaugurated.
("This is my blood of the covenant!)

Second: I'm quite an "en-titleist". That is, I see myself as entitled to respect, good pay, generosity from others, awareness from others in all circumstances, etc. I feel like I deserve my just due, that which is coming to me.

That second attribute doesn't line up at all with the first. How can I feel entitled to anything as a true disciple of him who bore our transgressions as very real and painful stripes on his back? (Is. 53) How can I feel like people should respect me when I claim to follow the one who was crucified (in all likelyhood, naked) despite being entitled to all worship as heaven's King?

I need to keep this in the forefront of my thoughts this week. If I feel like I'm entitled to something, maybe I am, but that doesn't mean that I as a follower of the rejected Messiah have any need or am enslaved to taking hold of those rights.

They've been given up, and my rights now reside in the life and eternal joy I have in Christ and the daily road of death to my whims and petty hangups laid out before me.